Broken Toys

Chapter 9

Billy slowed as he neared the steps leading into the dorm. Zeke was there, sitting, head in hands and shoulders hunched. He looked wretched and Billy almost felt sorry for him.

Slowly Zeke looked up, feeling Billy's eyes on him. "Hey," he said, looking away.

"Hey," Billy replied, planning to walk past and into the dorm. Zeke reached out and caught his arm as he brushed past.

"Sit a minute?"

Billy hesitated, then nodded his agreement. Taking a seat at the opposite side of the step he turned to look at Zeke.

"Earlier. in the room." Zeke couldn't meet Billy's eyes; he focused on a point over Billy's shoulder instead.

"Forget it." Billy cut him off. He did not want to have this discussion.

"We need to."

"No, we don't. I don't want to talk about it, any of it. Not now. Maybe not ever." Billy moved to stand but Zeke leaned over and caught his arm again. Billy yanked it away hard, getting angry.

"I didn't intend..." Zeke said defensively.

"Didn't you?" Billy snapped. "Then why did you come here? You expect me to believe you just came for a platonic visit?"

"I don't expect you to understand, Billy," Zeke snapped back, standing, his eyes dark with anger. "This is between Casey and..." He stopped abruptly and clenched his hands into fists, looking like he wanted something to hit. "Forget it." He turned away from Billy, body tense. "Doesn't matter anyway. You got what you wanted."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Billy took a step forward, ready to grab Zeke and demand an explanation. "I didn't go looking for Casey. He came to me."

"Sure he did, right after he begged me to... Shit!" Zeke turned to Billy with wild, desperate eyes, his face suddenly pale. "Casey!"

Billy turned immediately and led the way up to the room, Zeke hard on his heels. Neither was surprised to find the room empty.

"Bathroom," Billy said, and Zeke headed down the hall at a run. He was back a minute later, expression grim. No Casey.

"Look at this," Billy said, pointing to the camera on Casey's desk. The lens had been removed and there were tiny fragments of glass scattered across the desktop.

"Where's Casey's medicine?" Zeke asked suddenly. "I put the bottle right here a few hours ago."

Their eyes met, each mirroring the other's fear. Casey was going to hurt himself.

"We have to find him." Zeke said, starting towards the door. "We'll have to search everywhere."

"No," Billy closed his eyes, trying not to feel the echo of pain in the scars on his wrists. He was too familiar with the temptation that Casey faced; it was addictive. Even now a traitorous part of his brain cried out for it.

"He'll need water." Billy forced the words out, his mind flashing images at him so erratically that he felt dizzy. Digging his fingernails into his palms brought a stinging moment of clarity and he looked up, meeting Zeke's eyes.

"Darkroom."

*****

Casey leaned against the darkroom wall and concentrated on breathing. His hands and arms were trembling but his head felt funny and too light. The bottle of pills and the piece of glass - part of the broken camera lens - were the only things keeping him on the ground. Without them he would float away.

A deep breath and he pushed off from the wall, hobbling to the sink and turning on the water, watching it run for a while, testing the temperature occasionally until it was just warm enough to be soothing.

Taking out the piece of broken glass, he held it under the tap, making sure it was clean. He wanted to do the job right.

When he was satisfied he placed his left wrist under the water and left it there for a few minutes until it no longer felt like water running over his skin, it just felt warm and soft.

A quick motion and a sharp bite of pain, then the indescribable sensation of watching crimson glide over pale flesh and spiral down into nothingness.

He popped two pain pills into his mouth and leaned forward, taking a mouthful of water from the faucet to wash down the medicine.

He felt lighter already. More focused. More in control.

Another bite of pain and a second stream of crimson mingled with the first.

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