Broken Toys

Chapter 6

Casey could hear his father yelling over the phone from all the way across the room. With a sigh, he slid out of Zeke's embrace and hobbled slowly over to Billy.

Billy gave him an apologetic look and pulled a chair over for him. Casey's leg was throbbing and his head and chest hurt. By the time his father had finished shouting and hung up, there wasn't a part of Casey that didn't feel battered.

Shrugging off Billy's well-meaning touch, Casey made his way slowly to the dresser and grabbed a t-shirt. He had to struggle to get it on, but he refused their offers to help.

He didn't want them to see his tears.

Without a word he headed for the restroom, desperately needing a few moments alone. He could hear Zeke and Billy's urgent whispers and tried hard not to listen. He didn't want to know what they were saying.

He just wanted to be alone.

He let the water run in the sink, watching it for a long time, letting the sound soothe him. He'd scrubbed his face, driving back the tears, but he felt hot and miserable, like there was something dirty inside that he couldn't get clean.

Leaning against the wall, he stared at his reflection, his father's ugly words playing over and over in his head.

"I don't know what kind of lies you've been telling those people, Casey"

"You'd better get things straightened out before I get there or I'll straighten you out."

"Maybe I ought to have that shrink lock you away for a while. That ought to give you a better attitude."

Casey felt the tears start again and he clenched his fists hard, driving the ragged edges of his fingernails into his palms.

How could he go back to the room and face Zeke like this? How could he face Billy? They'd see how pathetic he was and then Zeke would leave, and Billy would go back to ignoring him.

He didn't even want to look at himself anymore, so he turned, trying to get away from the mirror. But he didn't have a firm grip on the crutches and one slipped.

For an agonizing moment, he tried to catch himself, putting weight on the broken leg without thinking. Agony tore through him and he lost his balance, landing hard.

Specks of gray and black danced across his vision and he struggled to catch his breath. Despair pressed down on him and he surrendered to it, lying helpless and sobbing on the bathroom floor.

*****

"What do you know about it?" Zeke demanded, stepping close to Billy, hissing the words into his face.

"More than you do, Zeke," Billy hissed back, refusing to be intimidated. "He needs to be left alone for a few minutes. You can't protect him from this. He has to learn to defend himself."

With an inarticulate cry, Zeke turned and shoved the chair out of the way. Stomping across the room he dug into his jacket pocket and grabbed the pack of cigarettes and his lighter. Pulling on his clothes, he stomped out, slamming the door behind him.

Billy kicked at his shoes, wishing the piles of clothes weren't all stuffed into the closet. They came in handy when he needed to kick something.

He dressed quickly and pulled on his sneakers, heading out for a run. Casey needed to be alone. Fine. Zeke wanted to be alone. Fine. They could just leave him alone too.

*****

Dean Parker walked down the hall slowly, trying to decide what to say. He'd just had a very unpleasant conversation with Casey's father and felt that he needed to see how the boy was doing.

He was surprised to find the room empty. He was also a bit surprised by the new arrangement of beds, but that wasn't important right now. He needed to find Casey.

Returning to the hall, he started towards the stairs, then stopped and listened. He heard someone swearing in the restroom. The sight of Casey Conner struggling to his feet, face wet and eyes red but jaw set in determination almost made him smile. He was right about Casey; the boy wasn't a quitter.

Without making a fuss he placed a hand under Casey's elbow and helped him up, asking if he was alright. When Casey nodded yes, the dean stepped back, letting Casey gain his balance.

The two of them walked slowly back to the room where the dean insisted Casey take a seat and prop his leg up. Once the boy was settled, the dean took a seat across from him and started talking.

"I spoke to your father this morning, Casey. He was very upset."

Casey looked away and felt color heating his face. He didn't want to do this; he didn't want to answer the questions he knew would be asked.

"You've done very well in cooperating with the police. Would you please answer a few questions for me? I'd like to try and help if I can."

Casey nodded slowly, his eyes not quite meeting the dean's. He desperately hoped that Billy and Zeke would stay away for a while.

"First, I need to know if you've made any plans for college?"

Casey blinked, he certainly hadn't expected that question. Slowly he shook his head.

"Why not?"

"I don't... there isn't any money for college. I need to work for a while to save the money for tuition."

"Did you even apply to any colleges?" When Casey shook his head, no, the dean demanded, "Why not?"

"No money for applications." Casey looked down, embarrassed.

Parker closed his eyes and just worked on breathing for a moment, careful not to show any anger or frustration. Casey was a bright and talented young man, how could his parents ignore his potential? He knew that money wasn't really an issue; they'd had to provide a financial statement as part of Casey's enrollment application. When he was under control, he said, "Do you want to go to college, Casey?"

"Yes." It was whispered, as if the boy were revealing a deadly secret.

"Did you have any in mind?" A shake of the head, no. "Do you know what you'd like to study?"

"Photography," Casey said, with a hint of enthusiasm breaking through.

"Did you know that State College is just a few miles away? They have an excellent art program."

Casey nodded carefully, as if admitting something he shouldn't.

"It just so happens that I know the dean of admissions there. If I get you an application, could you have it filled out and have it back to me by Friday?" When Casey looked like he might protest the dean added, "Don't worry about the application fee. I'll take it out of your first paycheck."

Casey smiled and agreed.

"Good. Now, do you have a portfolio?"

"No." Again, Casey looked down, as if he had done something wrong. What must his home life have been like that he was so ashamed of his obvious talent? The dean had made a point of asking Casey to bring some examples of his work to his orientation interview, and he had been impressed by what he had seen.

"Pick out a dozen or so of your best photos. I've got a small portfolio you can use; it's not the best but it is in good condition. You'll need that when you interview at the college.

"Yes, sir." Casey fought hard to keep his voice neutral, not allowing himself to get his hopes up. It was all happening too fast, and things had a way of turning sour when his father got involved.

Dean Parker leaned closer and Casey felt his stomach turn. Here it comes...

"Casey, there's something else I need to discuss with you. I don't need an answer right away so take some time to think about it. Understand?" Casey nodded, his shoulders tensing.

"You'll be graduating in a few months, and we'll be without anyone to run the new darkroom. I've spoken to the headmaster and he gave approval to hire someone to run the darkroom and teach photography, starting this summer. The salary is small so we're looking for someone with darkroom experience who is working on their teaching certificate; say a local college student."

Casey was leaning forward now, excited.

"The actual salary isn't much, but it would include an allowance for college expenses, and temporary room and board could be included if needed. The hours would be flexible and you'd have unlimited access to the darkroom of course. Think you'd be interested, Casey?"

"Really? I mean, yes!" It was all he could do to stop himself from giving Dean Parker a hug. He could take one or two classes a semester, and he would have some money and a place to stay. He wouldn't have to return to Ohio at all.

The dean stood up. "Stop by my office sometime this afternoon. I'll have the application and the portfolio for you." Casey nodded his agreement and started to get up. "No, stay there, Mr. Conner. You should get some rest while you can. You'll be very busy the rest of this semester."

Dean Parker paused at the door, turning back to Casey. "I could arrange for a room on the ground floor Casey. It would make it easier for you to get to classes."

"No thank you, sir. This room is fine." Casey gestured towards the windows. "I like the view."

"Very well then. I will see you this afternoon, Mr. Conner. Dean Parker closed the door quietly on his way out. Alone in the hallway, he allowed himself to smile.

*****

"Mr. Tyler, are you aware that smoking is not allowed on school grounds?"

"Yeah?" Zeke replied, making a show of taking another drag on his cigarette.

Dean Parker sat down on the step next to Zeke and waited. Finally the boy dropped the cigarette and crushed it out with his foot.

"I've had several interesting conversations with a Miss Burke about you, Mr. Tyler. She believes that you are a very intelligent young man who is not being challenged by the curriculum in your current school. She feels that a smaller school, one that allows time for more individualized study would better suit your abilities."

"And what does that have to do with anything?" Zeke asked. He'd heard the speech before and wasn't impressed. He didn't particularly care about anything Miss Burke might have to say. He knew he couldn't trust her; she was the one who'd told Casey's parents that he was at the bus station. Zeke hadn't known it at the time, but she'd overheard him talking to Casey about going to Canada. Zeke didn't find out until Casey had been sent away to school.

Miss Burke - he refused to use her first name now - had invited Zeke to accompany her on a weekend trip to Virginia. He didn't find outuntil they arrived that she was going to Casey's new school.

She spent several hours in the libraries removing all the materials she could find about Casey and what had happened with the alien. When Zeke had tried to stop her, the ugly truth had come out; she was jealous of his relationship with Casey.

She'd been almost frighteningly calm about it, but the wild look in her eye, and the way she dug her fingernails into Zeke's arm had shaken him badly. When they'd returned to Ohio, he'd broken off their relationship and had made every effort to avoid her ever since.

At first, she'd left long, rambling messages on his answering machine, then she'd tried threats and finally pleading and crying. She drove by his house at night and sometimes even parked in the driveway and just sat there for hours.

Zeke took to wandering the house in the dark, checking the locks almost compulsively. He only slept for a few hours at a time, curled up on the floor of his bedroom with the gun nearby.

Then, without warning, the calls and the visits stopped. It made Zeke more nervous than ever, and he found himself looking forward to going to school so that he would be around other people, as long as he could avoid her. A few weeks ago he saw her kissing a student in the parking lot.

Zeke hadn't bothered to replace the lab equipment that Delilah damaged when she was controlled by the alien. He just wasn't interested in dealing homemade drugs and selling bootleg videos anymore.

He spent long lonely nights driving around, with nowhere to go and nothing to do. Thoughts of Casey intruded more often until he no longer tried to resist them. They brought him the only peace he had.

Finally he couldn't stand it any more. He never meant to hurt Casey, he just hadn't been able to deal with all of the dizzying new feelings and the constant attention from the press. It had been too much after a lifetime of perfecting his place as the outsider who didn't need anyone.

He decided to do whatever it took to make things right. He planned his trip and then waited for Casey's birthday to make the call. As soon as he'd heard Casey's voice he realized just how foolish he'd been to turn him away.

Casey's comment about not having a darkroom gave Zeke an idea and the next day he called and spoke to the dean. It took a good portion of the money he'd made selling scat but it was worth it. He decided that he had to see Casey again so he packed and left immediately.

Now he was here, sitting next to Dean Parker and wondering when he would stop messing everything up.

"Do I have your attention, Mr. Tyler?"

Zeke turned to look at the dean, nodding weakly.

"As I was saying, the Regis School doesn't normally allow transfers during the second semester, particularly for seniors. However, the school is always looking for bright, motivated students. I could make the necessary arrangements for you to complete your senior year here if you would be interested. Of course I would need your parent's permission. The tuition would be pro-rated, and I happen to have a senior room that's listed as a triple that only has two students in it at the moment."

Zeke's eyes narrowed as he searched the dean's face for some indication of his intent. It couldn't be this easy.

"I'm not doing you a favor, Mr. Tyler. I expect every student here to do their best and I don't tolerate people who break the rules." He reached over and took the cigarette from Zeke. "That means no smoking or drinking. Is that clear?"

Zeke nodded, not sure how he felt about what was being offered. Could he really do this? Wouldn't it be easier just to stay here until the end of the week and then go home?

He turned, looking up towards where Casey was probably waiting for him. It might not be that difficult a decision after all.

*****

"Mr. Tepper, would you join me, please. I'd like a word with you."

Billy took the towel from his neck and wiped his face. He felt better after his run; his mind was clearer and more focused. He fell in beside the dean and together they walked towards the dean's office.

"I've spoken to the guidance counselor, Billy. He tells me that you've only applied to one college."

"Yeah, what's wrong with Notre Dame?" Billy asked, grinning. He'd only applied to be a smartass.

"Nothing. However, given your academic record, you might want to consider an alternative or two in case you don't get accepted to Notre Dame."

They entered the dean's office and he settled into his desk chair indicating that Billy should take a seat across from him. Billy complied easily, glad for a moment's rest. Maybe the lack of sleep was getting to him after all.

"Here are three copies of the application to State College. It's a good school with some excellent academic programs. I've already asked Mr. Conner to complete one and return it to me by Friday. I included one for Mr. Tyler in case he would be interested."

Billy took the applications, frowning. "You're assuming I'll actually graduate, Dean."

"I'm not assuming anything, Mr. Tepper. I have every confidence that I will see you receive your diploma this spring. You wouldn't want to be left behind when all of your friends go to college."

Billy nodded. Yeah, he was looking forward to getting out of here.

"Thanks, Dean," he said, standing.

"Please take this to Mr. Conner. It will save him the long walk to my office later." Parker handed Billy a brown leather folder.

As he took it a price tag fluttered to the floor. Billy picked it up and handed it to the Dean, who actually looked a little flustered.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention this," he gestured with the price tag, "to Mr. Conner. He's expecting something... less new."

Billy smiled. "He won't hear it from me."

*****

"Finished?" Billy asked, looking up as Casey leaned back in his chair and stretched.

"Finally. I hate filling out applications. How about you?"

"Just the essay and I'm done." He looked around the room. "Zeke's not back yet?"

"No, he said he needed some fresh air. He's probably looking for some good places to smoke around here in case he decides to transfer."

Billy felt Casey watching him and finally looked up. There was worry in those blue depths and a funny set to Casey's mouth, as if it were caught somewhere between smiling and crying.

"Is it ok if Zeke...? I mean... do you mind if he transfers here?"

"I don't mind, Casey. Zeke's ok." Billy was very careful to keep his voice soft. He really didn't mind, at least he didn't think he did. Zeke was all right, just a bit overprotective of Casey. But then, Billy might have been more protective of Joey if he'd known...

He stopped that thought fast. Not going there, not now. Not with gentle, vulnerable Casey sitting so close, watching him with worried eyes.

"Sometimes he doesn't think about things first, he just says them or does them." Casey said, turning his gaze towards the window, a wistful smile curving his lips. "He doesn't mean to hurt anyone, Billy. He's just..." Casey turned back, his eyes dark with some undefined mixture of emotions. "I'm sorry if he said or did anything to hurt you."

"He didn't Casey. He cares about you and he's trying to protect you. He's just new at it, so he's learning." Billy closed his eyes, seeing another dark-haired boy instead of Zeke. Maybe that's what made everything so hard, he realized, Zeke's so much like Joey.

Casey's hand brushed against Billy's face and he sighed. Billy didn't want to open his eyes and see this room without Joey's things, or see Casey's eyes instead of Joey's. Couldn't he just stay like this?

"Billy?" The voice was closer now and there was the heat of another body close to his own. A movement and another whisper-touch against his face, warm and soft.

"Don't do this, Casey, please." he begged, still refusing to open his eyes. "Don't be so nice to me. You're not mine to love."

A sharp intake of breath, then heartbreaking silence. Finally a voice, so quiet and sad.

"I'm sorry."

Movements, receding, the sound of a door closing.

Quiet. Solitude. Billy thought he might drown in it. He lay his head down on the desk, resting on his folded arms.

Only then did he feel the tears.

*****

"Hey," Zeke said, smiling up at Casey. The smaller boy was seated on the front steps, eyes focused somewhere far away from there. Slowly the focus came back and he turned to watch Zeke climb the stairs.

"Hey," Casey replied as Zeke sat down beside him. "Good walk?" He could smell the cigarette smoke thick on Zeke's clothes and skin. He tried not to cough and failed. "You better do some laundry. Not gonna fool Dean Parker smelling like that."

"Yeah?" Zeke asked, trying to pull Casey in close for a one-armed hug. Casey resisted and after a moment, Zeke let him go.

"Zeke, can I ask you something? It's serious." Casey's eyes were troubled and Zeke shifted to be able to look directly at him.

"Always, Case."

"Do you..." He started to look away, then straightened and looked directly into Zeke's eyes. "Do you love me?"

The naked want, the way Casey's body tensed, expecting to be rejected, it wounded Zeke deeply and he drew in a ragged breath, trying to steady himself before he responded.

Slowly he reached out, trying not to react as Casey flinched expecting pain. Zeke placed one hand against Casey's face, trying to pour every good feeling he had into that touch.

"Yeah," he said softly, struggling to find words, knowing that he needed to say them for himself as much as for Casey. He leaned closer, his eyes never leaving Casey's. "More than I could ever tell you."

Casey's eyes filled with tears and Zeke no longer had a voice. He wrapped his arms around Casey and held on tight.

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