Broken Toys

Chapter 57

"Nice," Snuffy commented as he leaned past Casey to grab a baby carrot. He lingered, studying the purple mark on Casey's neck, completely aware of Casey's discomfort at having his personal space invaded and completely unconcerned.

The paring knife was set down with more force than necessary and Casey took a step back, face burning. "Just... don't, okay?"

"Maybe I'm not the one you should have said that to." Snuffy popped a cucumber slice into his mouth and chewed deliberately. "Your timing sucks."

"You wouldn't understand."

Snuffy snorted and looked out the window. The discomfort stretched out between them while sounds of activity drifted in from the yard. Billy's dad had arranged for a tent, tables and chairs and the yard was a chaos zone as everyone present was trying to be helpful with getting them set up - except for Zeke and Billy's step-dad, who were tending to the grill. Zeke's parents hadn't arrived yet - if they were indeed going to show - and Hank and his dad had gone to get the shrimp and a few last minute necessities. The Dean was expected later along with his surprise guest. Friends would be stopping by throughout the day and the party was expected to go on until well after dark.

Snuffy looked over at Casey who had picked up the knife and was staring down at the blade, eyes unfocused. He shifted it back and forth, letting it catch the light.

"I don't have to understand," Snuffy conceded at last, reaching out and taking the knife, "but you do. You're not playing kid games here, Casey. You're playing with things that people a lot older than you wouldn't even attempt. You have the power to do real damage." Snuffy drove the knife deep into a tomato, shattering it, ripping it apart. He left it on the counter along with the red-tinged knife. "You're all my friends, but Billy was first. There won't be a choice if you or Zeke ever hurt him. Just so we're clear on things."

Their eyes met and Casey nodded before Snuffy brushed past and out of the kitchen, then out of the house leaving Casey feeling cold and very alone. He reached up and ran a hand over the mark on his neck and closed his eyes, almost wishing he could hide it.

An hour ago it had seemed so right, but as soon as Billy had seen the mark, everything had gone wrong. There had been hurt and accusation in those expressive eyes - as if they had deliberately left him out. How could they make him understand? They weren't trying to hurt him, but he had his parents, and his step-parents, and Casey and Zeke only had each other.

Casey looked at the tomato, its red liquid slowly oozing across the counter, the knife glittering dully in the center of it. He ran a hand across his scarred wrist absently and remembered the warmth of blood across his palm. He reached out and lay his hand flat in the middle of the ruins of the tomato, almost surprised to find it as cool as it was. He closed his eyes and considered the texture, letting himself just... go away for a minute.

"What are you doing?"

He turned guiltily, pulling his hand away, knocking the knife to the floor and scattering the tomato remains. "Nothing! I just..."

Billy crossed the floor almost at run, grabbing a towel and yanking Casey's hand out, wiping and inspecting it. He was pale, his eyes wide.

"I'm okay," Casey whispered, feeling stupid, and angry with himself for upsetting Billy. "Billy..." He reached up with his other hand to touch Billy's face only to have Billy flinch away.

"Don't, Casey. You're not cut?"

"No, it's just tomato."

"You gonna tell me why you were playing 'smush the tomato'?" Billy looked down at the knife, then looked away.

"We're out of play-doh?" Casey offered, smiling weakly.

"Right. Remind me to replace all the sharp toys in here with plastic." Billy turned to go. Casey caught his hand and pulled him back. Billy frowned. Casey slid his hands into Billy's, interlacing their fingers and holding on tightly. He looked deeply into Billy's eyes, willed everything he could into that connection, not daring more with Billy's parents so close by.

Billy pulled his hands away without saying anything, his expression giving nothing away.

"Billy," Casey whispered brokenly as his lover walked away, "we weren't trying to hurt you."

Billy paused in the doorway, then turned back, "I know. But it hurts anyway." He took a step back towards Casey, aware of the open windows and how easily sound carried. "It feels like I'm always being left out."

"Billy..."

"Left me finish..." Billy leaned in close and almost kissed Casey but stopped just short, sighing. "I'm just not brave enough, Casey. You don't know how much I wish I could ask you to mark me like that. We could go out there and face the parents together, honestly. But I can't do it. I just..."

The screen door at the front of the house opened and Billy pulled back abruptly. He looked at Casey sadly, picked up the vegetable tray and hurried outside, leaving Casey alone to clean up the mess.

"There you are, Casey." Billy's mom bustled into the kitchen and opened the freezer, taking out an ice cube tray. She frowned a little at the last of the tomato remains he was clearing away but didn't comment or slow her actions.

"Didn't we get enough ice?" Casey asked as she twisted the tray to loosen the cubes, dropping two each into two glasses and filling them with iced tea from the fridge.

"Oh, there's plenty out there, but we're in here and you look like you could use something to drink."

"Thank you, ma'am." Casey was grateful for the cool wet in his tight throat. He felt like he might cry. The last few days had been very long and he was exhausted. All he wanted was for everyone to go home so he could climb into bed with Billy and Zeke and sleep.

"Well, the tent's all set up, the tables and chairs are in place. The grill's going and there's plenty of meat. Hank and his dad brought shrimp and salmon. We've got potatoes in foil baking, plenty of salads. You made that huge vegetable tray, dear. Chips and dip, of course. Plenty to drink. Desserts. What else? Utensils. Napkins."

Casey stood back and watched as Billy's mom took a tour of the kitchen, continuing her absent-minded inventory. Finally she seemed satisfied that there was nothing that she'd forgotten. She smiled and leaned against the counter, taking up her glass of tea and considering Casey.

"This is a lovely house. It was your Grandparents' ?"

"Yes, on my mother's side." Casey looked around, trying to see the place with someone else's eyes. Even with the fresh paint and new details it felt old and cozy. Comfortable.

"It's too bad your parents couldn't be here today. Such a shame they had to miss your important day." She smiled thinly and took a sip of tea but Casey felt the weight of her gaze on him. He nodded and took a drink of his own.

"It's very kind of you to allow Billy to live here while he goes to college, Casey. He had such a difficult time settling into school a few years ago, his father and I had a hard time imagining he'd ever graduate let alone go on to college. He doesn't make friends easily." She leaned forward and set the tea down on the table, moving close to Casey, speaking almost confidentially as she did. He moved back. "After that incident last year when his friend was killed, well, we were very concerned. As his parents, we want to make sure that he succeeds - that he has a good future ahead of him. He's been confused and angry and rebellious for a long time. Normal for a boy like Billy. But now that he's going to college, it's time for him to straighten up, you understand, and be serious about his life. He needs the right influences."

Casey swallowed uncomfortably and took a long drink of his tea. He set his empty glass aside and looked at Billy's mother, who was smiling in a way that was not at all benign. She reached out and took his arm.

"Why don't you show me the rest of the house now, dear, before the rest of the guests arrive?"

Casey nodded slowly and wished desperately for a diversion, anything to get him away from this woman.

*****

Zeke wiped a hand across his forehead and stepped away from the grill. There was a pleasant breeze but it was hot in the sun and he'd been standing here for a long time. He realized that he hadn't seen Casey since they'd parted at the bottom of the stairs.

Knowing that Hank and his dad would keep an eye on the grill for a while, he took a quick survey and noticed that Billy's mom was the only other person absent.

He had the feeling that something was up, and hurried into the house. Voices alerted him to trouble as soon as he stepped inside. Upstairs. Their bedroom. Adrenalin surging, Zeke took the steps two at a time and burst into the bedroom. "There you are, Casey," he said, his voice deliberately loud.

"Zeke." Casey was on the far side of the room near the window, backed against the dresser in an oddly protective posture. Billy's mom stood in front and slightly to one side of him, as if she might actually try to push him aside and try to get at whatever she thought might be hiding in Billy's dresser.

"Something I should know about?" Zeke pushed his way into the space between Casey and the woman. He tolerated their silence for an internal count of twenty and then he nodded once and took charge. He wrapped his long fingers around the back of Casey's neck, trying to gently rub away some of the tension there. He gave the younger man a reassuring smile before looking at Billy's mother. The smile he gave her was something else altogether.

"Since there's nothing that you need to share with me, I'm sure you'll understand when I ask you to respect our privacy." Zeke ran his hand lightly up through the back of Casey's hair, ruffling it, eliciting the same little shiver he always got when he did that. The woman tensed at the sight of such an intimate gesture. Zeke let his smile thin.

"You will excuse us now. Casey and I have something to discuss."

Zeke watched, bracing himself as she prepared to attack, her face red, eyes narrowed, and mouth set into the stiff-jawed stubbornness that was so like her son, yet so unlike him in its utter hostility. Despite his tendency to react on impulse, Billy was a peaceful person - he didn't really like or want confrontation and he actually tried to avoid it whenever possible. His mother, on the other hand, seemed determined to pick a fight with Casey - the most passive person Zeke knew. Why?

They stared at each other, neither willing to yield until Casey shifted uncomfortably at Zeke's side and cleared his throat and asked, "You don't mind, do you?"

Billy's mother frowned, then nodded slowly, resuming her usual pleasant manner. "Of course not. I could use some more iced tea." She gave them both a hard look before turning and walking swiftly away and down the stairs.

Casey remained rigid, listening until he heard the telltale creak of the bottom step before turning and collapsing against Zeke's chest. He was almost vibrating with tension.

"Tell me," Zeke breathed into Casey's hair.

Casey kept his face pressed against Zeke's chest and muttered, "I want them all to leave."

"Even Billy?"

"He's upset."

"I know."

"We shouldn't have." Casey shifted, reaching up to gently touch the mark on Zeke's neck. "I thought he would understand. I didn't think it would make him so angry. He feels left out. "

Over Casey's head Zeke caught a movement in the doorway and looked up to see Billy standing there, watching them, listening to Casey's words.

Zeke continued to hold and soothe Casey as he answered, "That's Billy's problem, Case. Not ours. He has to learn to trust us. Now what did she say to you?"

Billy started at Zeke, then crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at his feet as Casey shook his head and pressed himself harder against Zeke. Zeke rested his cheek against Casey's head and stared at Billy, willing him to come and help. After an uncomfortable silence with Casey's face pressed against his chest Zeke startled them both when he prompted, "Case?"

"I don't want to think about it." Casey pulled out of Zeke's arms and turned towards the window. "They were just words."

Zeke moved closer and again wrapped his arms around the smaller man's body, holding him gently. "Words can hurt, Case. What did she say to hurt you?"

Large blue eyes looked up into brown, pleading. "Nothing that needs to be repeated. Please, let's just try and enjoy today. We're... today should be good." He looked past Zeke towards the doorway and saw Billy still standing there uncertainly. "Today should be a good day for all of us."

Casey and Zeke turned, reaching out and Billy moved forward until they were entwined in a three-way embrace, bodies and mouths pressed together.

*****

"Billy, come help me for a minute."

Billy rolled his eyes and handed Snuffy his plate again. His mother had called him away so often he'd barely gotten to finish a bite or a sentence all afternoon. He couldn't blame Casey for sitting as far away from her as possible, keeping silent and watchful.

It was just after six and the serious eating had wound down long ago, although there was still plenty of food available. Most of the guests had come and gone. Zeke's parents hadn't shown, nor had the Dean and his guest. Most Regis friends had touched down long enough to eat and then took off to do more of the party circuit. Ric and Yogurt and Hank had gone to visit friends with a promise to return later that evening while their families had retired to their hotels, the lure of the swimming pool and air conditioning too strong on such a hot day.

By seven, the only people left at the party were Snuffy, Billy, Zeke, Casey and Billy's family. They were lounging around, some eating, some resting. Billy's step-mom was laying out in a bikini "working on her tan". Billy was disgusted and threatened to pour barbeque sauce on her - but only loud enough that his friends could hear. They'd finally decided that it would be a waste of perfectly good sauce. A volleyball net had been set up but it was really too hot to play, so it and the other lawn toys sat abandoned by the barn.

Casey slipped away to his favorite chair on the porch for some solitude. He watched the others until he needed the diversion of his camera. He was just about to go get it when he noticed a faint cloud of dust in the distance over the trees announcing a visitor.

He stood, moving towards the porch railing just as some of the others heard the sounds of the car approaching. Zeke hurried over, an expression of concern on his face. Casey held out his hand to him, ignoring the look that Billy's mother gave him. She'd been watching them all afternoon, and although she hadn't actually said anything to either Casey or Zeke, she'd made her disapproval clear. Her husband seemed either oblivious or more tolerant of the situation than she was, as he had been very pleasant to both boys. As for the others, either they didn't notice or were willing to ignore the way Billy's mother had been behaving towards Zeke and Casey. It was as though they were all determined to enjoy the day and Zeke, at least, was grateful for it. He could sense how uneasy Casey was and it had him worried. After everything that had happened in the last few weeks, especially the events of the last day, they didn't need this.

Casey's painfully tight grip eased as the Dean's familiar car pulled into the yard. Zeke looked down at him and smiled, pulling him closer and brushing a quick kiss across the top of his head, eyes casting defiance at Billy's mom as he did it.

As the Dean parked, a second car arrived, followed closely by a third. Parked side by side, they were an interesting contrast - the Dean's practical four-door sedan next to a luxurious black Mercedes and flanked by an improbable old junker. They were lined up parade-style in front of the barn, making the image even more incongruent. Casey's fingers itched for his camera and he couldn't help but look up at Zeke, who was wearing a knowing smile.

"You know you're hopeless, don't you? Of course you'll want both cameras for this and you finished the color film earlier." Zeke leaned down conspiratorially. "Good thing I already changed film, isn't it?"

Casey grinned up at him. " 'S why we keep you around. You're so handy. Come on. We ought to go at least find out who's here before we take pictures of their cars."

They were barely off the porch when they heard Billy yelling, "Dean!" and saw their lover mock-wrestling with the normally quite dignified older man. Billy was grinning and saying something while the Dean had him in a headlock. After a moment, they stepped apart and the Dean greeted everyone.

"I was beginning to think I'd never be rid of you, Mr. Tepper," the Dean commented when he was finished greeting the parents.

"Scared you, didn't I?" Billy teased. He gestured at Casey and Zeke who had joined them. "Worst of all - you might have been stuck with those jokers."

"He could only be so lucky," Zeke said dryly. The Dean just snorted.

"Well, you're not quite rid of me yet, sir," said Casey, "and I'm afraid we do sort of come as a package. You are still going to accept our invitation to a dinner one of these evenings, aren't you?"

"I'm looking forward to it, Casey. But right now, there's someone here to see Billy."

The driver of the second vehicle had been waiting beside its right rear door and, as if on cue, he opened it and his passenger emerged. He was fiftyish, and elegantly dressed, his face creased with age and worries and his movements slow. When he saw Billy, he smiled and his face transformed, making him appear years younger.

"Mr Trotta." Billy hesitated, then moved forward a bit stiffly, surprised and a little uncertain as to how to react to this unexpected visitor. The driver of the Mercedes stood close by while the driver of the junker remained inside the vehicle with the engine off, drawing curious stares from the rest of the group. After a pause, Billy held his hand out awkwardly and said, "It's very good to see you, sir."

Mr Trotta bypassed the hand and pulled Billy into a hug. "It's good to see you, Billy." He let go and took a step back. "You've grown."

Billy shrugged. "A little. I didn't know you'd be here, sir." Billy looked around at the others, wishing they'd go away so he could talk to Mr Trotta in peace. Some of them moved away immediately, and the Dean encouraged the others to move back to the picnic area so that Billy and his visitor could have some privacy.

For the next few minutes, Casey and Zeke made a pretense of being focused on getting the Dean settled, while in fact all three of them were hyper-conscious of the distant figures walking along the treeline. When Billy's mother interrupted - again Casey finally gave up on playing host and excused himself, retreating into the house on some unnecessary errand. Zeke smiled and remained, counting silently to one hundred before making his own excuse and following his lover.

Casey was not to be found in his favorite downstairs retreats; that meant he was upstairs, either in the bedroom or on the third floor. Given what had happened earlier with Billy's mom, Zeke bypassed the bedroom and went directly to the third floor playroom. He found Casey curled up by the window, tracing patterns in the dust on the windowsill.

"We have a dust buster, you know."

Casey shrugged.

"She's not right, Case. You know that."

Casey turned to look at him, eyes full of uncertainty. "How do I know that? How can we be sure? It's hard enough to balance things with two, how do we do it with three? We hurt him, Zeke. We didn't mean to, but we did." Casey touched the mark on his neck, as if to hide it and he looked guiltily at his lover. "I wanted this, and I was proud of it. Until I saw how it hurt him, Zeke. Then I almost hated it. I don't want to hate something that you gave me." Casey ducked his head looking down, aware that Zeke didn't like to hear things like this, but needing to say it. Casey looked up and shrugged, giving Zeke an almost apologetic smile. "I won't regret something we gave each other out of love, so we'd damn well better find a way to help Billy get over it. Right?" He tried for a laugh and failed, looking away, his gaze moving towards the window where Billy and the mysterious stranger were framed in the distance. "What if we have to let him go?"

Zeke fell to his knees beside Casey, cupping his face in his hands and turning it so they were facing each other. "Don't let her do this, Case. This is what she wants. We're stronger than this. You're tired and the last few weeks have been crazy. Just hold on a little longer - they'll all go home, things will settle down and everything will get back to normal. You. Me. Billy. I promise." Zeke leaned forward and drew Casey into a tender kiss.

He held the younger man tightly, refusing to look out the window to where Billy and the man were walking, where Zeke's promise could be turning into a lie even as it was given.

Return to Broken Toys