Broken Toys

Chapter 43

He spent the night staring up at the stars through the branches of a tall oak, wishing that he were in his room for the view more than for the company. Casey sighed quietly, hoping he didn't disturb Yogurt tonight as he had every other night he'd spent in this room. He missed the warmth and comfort of sleeping with someone, feeling safe because he was close enough to hear heartbeats if he listened carefully enough.

The only thing he heard now was the hiss of the heater and Yogurt's steady breathing. Good, at least he hadn't woken the boy so far.

He cast a glance over at the huddled form. Although nothing had been said, Casey knew Yogurt was getting tired of having him around. There was really no reason that he couldn't go back to his own room. Well, no reason other than the fact he didn't want to. Not that it made any sense, he admitted. Zeke was there, after all, even if Billy wasn't. Billy was with Hank...

Casey scrubbed his mouth with the back of his hand and shuddered. He could still feel Hank's touch, just as cruel as so many others who had wanted to hurt him just for being smaller, for being different. Just for existing.

He closed his eyes, wishing himself far away from these feelings and images. Wanting to reclaim that afternoon with Zeke and Billy in the middle of nowhere. Aching to feel loved.

He felt a dull pain and looked down, lifting his hands up into the pale light. He ran a finger lightly over one wrist, relearning the contours of the scars that represented his utter failure.

He remembered the lazy morning not so long ago when Zeke and Billy had driven him crazy just by caressing and kissing his scars. Without thinking, he raised one wrist to his mouth and licked at the scar, tasting it, shivering at the odd sensation.

Lowering his arm, he looked down at his hands splayed across the desktop. The shadows made the fingers appear bigger, stronger. Casey smiled at the image and raised his head.

And made a decision.

*****

"I said, drop it."

"I want an answer." Billy glared across the dimly lit room at Hank, frustrated by the other boy's arrogant smirk. It had been an unsettling evening and he wanted some answers before he could even think of sleep.

"I won the game, I took my prize. So what." Hank leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up on the desk and crossing his arms.

"Are you talking about Casey? Or me?" Billy's voice had turned cold, though he was careful to keep it low. It was late and neither of them wanted to add breaking curfew to their list of infractions. The only light came from a study lamp that Hank had placed on the floor and the room was full of strange shadows.

Billy moved restlessly around the room, full of pent up energy and unable to go out and run it off. He was tired and annoyed and hadn't been sleeping well. What he really wanted was to go back to his room and curl up with Zeke and Casey and just let himself rest, something he hadn't done since that stupid fight.

"He owes you an apology." The dim light drew harsh shadows down Hank's face making him appear sinister. Billy looked away from the sight, unnerved, feeling almost like he was having a bad dream.

"You still didn't answer the question."

"I'm not going to answer it, Billy. Go to bed."

"I think I will, Hank. But not here." Billy started for the door but was stopped by a rough hand on his shoulder.

"You're not going back to them," Hank said, his grip tightening until Billy winced.

"What do you want from me?"

"You're my friend."

"Then treat me like one." Billy pulled away hard. "You're hurting me."

"They're hurting you. They're changing you."

"What's wrong with that? Maybe it's a good thing that I'm not that wiseass punk from a year ago. It's certainly better than the headcase I was six months ago." Billy leaned close, asking the question he'd been avoiding. "Can't you just... accept this?"

"Accept what? That you've got your little boyfriends and your little house and you're ready to skip off into the sunset? Is that what you really want for yourself?"

There it was, all the uncertainty laid bare. Billy saw the mixture of fear and self-doubt in his friend's eyes and finally felt as if he understood a little of what was happening.

"We're graduating, Hank. It's time to move on, to grow up a little." He reached out and curled his hand around Hank's shoulder. "We're both ready for new adventures. Separate adventures."

He swallowed hard and added. "We're not forgetting Joey or leaving him behind. We're getting on with our lives. It's time to step out from his shadow."

They looked at each other for a long moment, their shared silence far more eloquent than words. Slowly Billy leaned in and placed his lips against Hank's, letting the other boy decide if and how to respond.

Hank tilted his head a little and pressed forward just the slightest bit, testing. He drew Billy close, embracing him awkwardly, their bodies not quite touching. After a moment he backed away, his eyes closed.

There had been no heat, no passion, only the need for understanding.

"Stubble doesn't do a thing for me," he commented at last, finally opening his eyes. He smiled and there was genuine warmth and affection in it.

"You and Snuffy, man. Token straight guys."

"I guess somebody has to be." Hank punched Billy lightly. "So now we know." He sounded relieved. "At least about that."

"Guess so." Billy tried to keep his tone neutral, still not convinced the problems had been resolved. "We ok now?"

"I think so, yeah."

"No more trouble with Casey or Zeke?"

"Not making promises, but I'll try."

"Try hard. It's important."

"Yeah, ok. For you, Billy."

"So you want to do something tomorrow? Just the two of us?"

"You mean with all the free time we have between laundry and pots and pans?"

"We could always liven things up and swap chores."

"But I couldn't possibly deprive you. I know how you love cleaning those pans of mystery gravy."

"That's why I like you, man. Always so considerate." Billy grabbed Hank and play-wrestled him to the nearest bed. They untangled themselves and settled down, talking quietly into the early morning hours.

*****

"Have you seen Casey?" Yogurt was frowning, and looking worried. "He hasn't been back to the room yet."

"He was in class this morning," Zeke answered. "I didn't see him after that. There was extra laundry today, all the tablecloths and napkins from that big dinner for the boardmembers. I thought we'd never get out of there."

"Ric and Snuffy haven't seen him either. They went to check the darkroom."

"Case wouldn't be there. Parker didn't give back the keys yet."

"Any idea where he would be? It's getting dark and he didn't take his jacket."

"Did you ask Billy?"

"He's the next stop. Want to tag along?"

"Yeah, he's with Hank. Let's go." Zeke led the way to Hank's room and knocked on the door.

"Yeah?" Billy answered. "Zeke, what's wrong?"

"You seen Case lately?"

"Not since this morning. He was on his way to class."

"Any idea where he might be?" Yogurt asked. "I can't find him."

"Did you check his tree?"

"Yeah, and the meditation path and the attic."

"He's not in the darkroom," Snuffy announced as he and Ric hurried down the hall.

"Okay look, he's still restricted to campus so he's got to be here somewhere. We split up and look for him." Snuffy checked his watch. "Meet back here no later than 9:30." He assigned each pair a portion of the campus and sent them off, Ric and Yogurt towards the academic building, Hank and Billy to the gardens, he and Zeke to the old basement and surrounding grounds. They'd cover the dorm last.

*****

"Maybe we should tell Dean Parker," Yogurt suggested, exchanging worried looks with the others. It was 10:15 at night and they'd found no sign of Casey.

"This isn't like him," Billy insisted for the third time.

"He said he was feeling better this morning," Yogurt said. "But he didn't sleep again last night. He just sat at the desk and stared out the window."

"We give him until 11. If Casey's not here by curfew, we tell the Dean when he makes his rounds."

The others nodded uneasily and headed off to get ready for bed, regrouping in Snuffy's room.

*****

When the phone ran at 10:48 it startled them all. Snuffy reached for it, almost reluctantly. The others watched and listened carefully as he carried on an indecipherable one-sided conversation, then hung up.

"That was Dean Parker. Casey is in his office. He wants us to bring Casey's personal stuff and a change of clothes and meet him in the infirmary.

"He's ok," Snuffy added quickly over the voices raised in concern. "That's all I know." He turned to Zeke. "You want help gathering his stuff?"

"His toothbrush and things are in my room. I'll go get them and meet you downstairs." Yogurt hurried off with Ric to retrieve the items.

Billy trailed Zeke into their room and gathered sleepwear and boxers while Zeke selected a pair of jeans and shirt from the closet. They didn't speak, but their shared look conveyed their concern.

The six of them hurried to meet the dean, Zeke and Snuffy in the lead, Hank in the rear. Dean Parker and Casey were in the hall, making their way slowly towards the infirmary. Casey was holding the dean's arm and his face was gray with pain.

"You okay?" Zeke demanded, hurrying to Casey's side and wrapping his arm around the smaller teen's waist. Casey nodded and kept moving, his jaw set in a grim line.

"Mr. Conner thought it necessary to walk all the way to town and back." Dean Parker's voice was controlled, a sure indicator that he was angry or upset.

Zeke tightened his grip on the boy and looked at Billy, frowning. It wasn't like Casey to do something like that, especially since it meant that he had deliberately disobeyed the dean.

"I'm sorry," Casey said softly, and Zeke was sure it wasn't the first time he'd said it tonight. He looked truly remorseful, but his expression changed as he hesitated, reaching into his pocket and drawing something out in a tightly clenched fist. He held his hand out to Billy, then repeated the action and handed an object to Zeke.

"It was important," Casey insisted. He looked back at the dean and started walking again. It was clear that he was exhausted, from the dark circles under his eyes to the droop of his shoulders and the obvious effort it cost him to keep walking on his healing leg. His cheeks were flushed pink in his pale face and his eyes glittered oddly.

"Come on, Case," Zeke leaned down and swept the boy up into his arms. Casey immediately leaned into him, resting his head on Zeke's shoulder.

"Mr. Tyler..." The dean started to object but Zeke ignored him, moving faster towards the infirmary. Billy hurried on ahead and opened the door and turned on the light.

Zeke set Casey down carefully, his hands lingering on the boy's fever-warm skin. He leaned down and kissed him tenderly on the forehead.

Snuffy and the others waited in the outer area, unable to squeeze into the small room. They could only hear some of the conversation between the Dean, Casey, Billy and Zeke, but after a few short minutes, Billy and Zeke joined them and the dean sent them back to their rooms.

"What was that about?" Hank asked as they walked. "What was so important that he risked leaving campus?"

"This," Billy said, taking a silver object from his pocket and holding it out to them. It was a key on a silver keyring. The keyring itself was irregularly shaped with an engraved arc on it. Zeke held up it's twin.

"They fit together," Snuffy said, reaching out and placing them together. "Like that."

"The design is part of a circle," Ric observed.

"A full circle. I'm sure Casey has the missing piece," Billy replied. "I'm guessing this is his house key. But, why would he give it to me? After everything that's happened..."

"Because you're part of the circle, Billy. An equal part. It's his way of trying to make you understand that."

"Why was it so important? He risked everything by disobeying the dean." Billy looked frustrated and overwhelmed, desperately trying to understand.

"You know why, Billy." Hank looked at each of them, unhappy with their surprised reactions to his statement. Maybe he'd been more of a jerk than he thought...

"Come on," Snuffy interrupted. "We'd better get to bed before the dean makes the rounds. We won't know any more until morning anyway."

"Can we visit Casey tomorrow?" Yogurt asked.

"The dean didn't say we couldn't. Case'll go nuts being stuck in that little room."

"So we'll go cheer him up."

"Yeah," Zeke grinned, heading into his room and closing the door. The others shook their heads, fully aware of the trouble that usually accompanied that grin.

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