Broken Toys

Chapter 4

Even his scream wasn't enough to block out the sound of Casey's body hitting the ground. Billy felt his heart racing as he struggled to get to his unmoving friend. Tree branches pulled at him, trapping him. The more he struggled, the harder the branches gripped him.

Red tinted the ground beneath Casey in an ever growing pool...

"Billy! Wake up!"

Billy flailed his arms, partly awake, partly trapped in the nightmare. He was gasping for breath and his vision was blurry.

"It's ok, it's ok. It was just a dream."

Billy blinked, trying to sort out reality. Finally he was able to place the person standing over him.

"Zeke?"

"Yeah. You were having a nightmare. Pretty bad one." Zeke took a seat on the edge of the bed, keeping one hand on Billy's shoulder. "Want to tell me about it?"

Billy shook his head; he couldn't possibly find the words. Not with the dream image of Casey's death and the real memory of Joey's so fresh in his mind.

"It's ok. Maybe later? For now, would it be okay if we just sat here for a while?"

Billy nodded mutely and accepted Zeke's arm as it drew him closer. After a few minutes Billy rested his head against Zeke's shoulder. They didn't speak for a long time.

"Sometimes..." Billy hesitated, not sure if he should admit this, deciding to anyway. "Sometimes, when I have a bad nightmare, Casey comes and holds me for a while. Only when he thinks I'm asleep, though. So sometimes I pretend to be asleep. He's always gone by morning. He doesn't sleep much."

"Do you have a lot of nightmares, Billy?" Zeke's voice was so soft, and he was moving slightly now, easing back on the bed and pulling the blanket over them both.

"Not as many as I used to."

"Casey has nightmares, too. I didn't... I wasn't there for him like I should have been. I could have stopped him before..."

"You know about... his scars?" Billy held up his wrists.

"Yeah." Zeke touched the scars. "Like these." He shifted and studied the other boy, as if looking for answers.

"I thought it was the solution, a way to feel something again. No one could have made me believe any different. I had to learn it for myself. Just like Casey did." He closed his eyes, looking painfully tired and old. "I think Casey would tell you the same thing if you asked. Don't blame yourself."

"I let him down. He trusted me and I turned him away." There was loathing and anger in Zeke's voice and his body tensed.

"But you came back." Billy reminded him, turning onto his side, shifting to get more comfortable. He pressed his back against Zeke's body and stared into the darkness for a long time.

When he woke in the morning, Zeke was gone.

*****

"What are you doing out here?" Billy asked sharply. He was still in his sleepwear, the t-shirt and shorts rumpled and his shoes were untied. He hadn't bothered with socks.

Zeke blew smoke towards him and shrugged. "Couldn't sleep." His face and body revealed the truth of the statement. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"You better come back in for a while, man. You look like you could crash for a week."

"Just need some caffeine. Want to go get some breakfast?"

Billy checked his watch. "You're kidding, right? It's not even 7 a.m. We can't see Casey til 10." He reached out to touch Zeke's arm but the boy moved away and took another drag on the cigarette. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong, Billy." Zeke glared at him with fierce eyes and Billy took a half-step backwards. Zeke relented a little. "Just...I'm just tired."

"So don't be a jerk. Come on, let's go back to the room and get some rest. It was a long night."

Zeke took another drag on the cigarette and stared up at the sky. It was going to be a gloomy day, the sky was gray and it looked like rain. After another minute he dropped the cigarette and ground it out with his foot. Without speaking, they returned to the room.

*****

"You want to tell me what happened last night?" Zeke asked as he took another sip of the coffee. It tasted like sludge but at least it was hot and caffeinated. He could feel his brain starting to wake up.

"The nightmares?" Billy looked down into his can of soda as if it contained answers. They were at a corner table in a donut shop, killing time until they could go to the hospital and see Casey. They'd each managed to catch a little more sleep but neither was rested.

"I guess I owe you some kind of..."

"You don't owe me anything!" Zeke snapped, then smiled apologetically and shrugged. "Sorry. Travel lag or something."

"S'ok. No, I'll tell you. Might help you understand how much I appreciate your help last night." Billy downed the last of the soda and winced as the cola bit at his insides, the sugar racing through his system. "Last year, about the same time you were fighting aliens, we were fighting terrorists who had taken over the school. My friend..." He caught Zeke's eyes to make sure he understood. "The dreams are usually about him; the guns and the blood. But last night it was Casey lying there with blood everywhere."

"I'm sorry," Zeke said softly. "And I'm sorry about your friend."

"Thanks," Billy whispered, turning his head away to look out the window.

They didn't talk again until they were at the hospital.

*****

"I'm sorry, but Casey needs to remain here another day." The nurse was sympathetic but stern.

"Can we at least see him? We've been waiting almost two hours." Billy tried not to sound desperate, but if he had to sit here in the waiting room with Zeke much longer he'd go crazy. The other boy's mood had turned sullen when they'd been refused access to Casey's room, and he was getting moodier by the minute.

"The police are with him now. I'll come get you when they leave and you can visit for 15 minutes." When Billy looked like he was going to protest, she added, "That's the best I can do."

"Ok. Thank you. We'll be right over there." He pointed to Zeke and the empty seat beside him. The waiting room was busy today and there weren't a lot of empty chairs.

With a sigh, Billy returned to his place and relayed the message to Zeke. The older boy's hands twitched almost as if he wanted to hit something and his jaw tightened. He didn't say anything, just turned his head away.

*****

 "Case." Zeke brushed past Billy and took a seat on the edge of Casey's bed. "Brought you donuts." He presented the battered bag.

"Hi Casey," Billy said, walking around the bed to stand on the other side. Casey looked better, though still pale, but there were faint smudges of exhaustion under his eyes.

"Thanks. I'm gonna save these for later." Casey set the donuts aside after peeking in the bag. "I'm so glad you came. I'm stuck here another day and they're driving me crazy with tests and questions. I can't wait to get out of here, even if it is on crutches."

"What kinds of tests, Case?" Zeke reached out and touched the boy's hand, just resting his fingers over Casey's, savoring the contact.

Casey found a point on the wall to study as he answered, unable to look at either of his friends. "They think... there are some ribs that didn't heal correctly and possibly some nerve damage. The police were here asking about my parents." Tears filled Casey's eyes, but he wiped them away quickly, mouth twisting. "What difference does it make?" he asked angrily. "Everything was ok here. What good will it do to drag things up now?" He clenched his hands into fists and clenched his jaw. "Why can't they just leave me alone?"

"Did you ask them that, Casey?"

"Yeah, but I'm still a minor, and the hospital has to report any cases of suspected child abuse." Casey laughed. "They think my parents hit me."

Billy moved closer and leaned over. "Do they hit you, Casey?"

"No," Casey laughed bitterly. "They don't touch me at all." He tried to hide it, but his eyes gave him away; the loneliness, the rejection, the sense of being unloved and unlovable.

Zeke reached for him but Casey pulled away. The scope of his failure hit Zeke hard; he was just one more person that Casey loved who'd betrayed him. He rose and stumbled back a step, misery on his face.

Zeke saw the confusion and hurt on Casey's face, watched as it hardened, then melted into that too familiar whipped puppy expression.

Zeke was rooted to the floor, motionless and voiceless, forced to watch as Billy moved forward and touched Casey. Cracking as Casey responded to Billy. Shattering as Billy pulled Casey up for a hug. Dying as Casey brushed a kiss against Billy's cheek.

He left the room without saying goodbye.

*****

"I thought you left," Billy said as he approached Zeke in the hospital parking lot.

"Just needed some air." Zeke refused to look at Billy, focused on unlocking the car and climbing in instead.

"I think you need more than air. Come on, take me back to the school. I have just what you need." Billy barely had time to close the door before Zeke stomped on the gas pedal and roared out of the parking lot.

"Slow down before you get pulled over."

Zeke muttered something under his breath but he did slow down.

"I'm sorry about what happened back there, Zeke. It's not... It's not what it looked like."

"So I'm supposed to believe you're not fucking him?" Zeke snarled refusing to look at Billy.

"We kissed once, okay twice if you count the one at the hospital. Nothing more." Billy felt a surge of anger and couldn't stop himself. "What's it to you anyway? You fucked him once then left him. Tossed him aside for a teacher."

"You don't know anything about it."

"So tell me. Casey's my friend, Zeke. Convince me that you didn't come here to hurt him and I might be able to help."

"Yeah, you'll help. You'll help me right out the door."

"Whatever. Look, just... get us back to the school. You're exhausted and I've got something that will help you sleep." When Zeke looked like he was going to argue, Billy added, "Where else do you have to go?"

Zeke turned hard into the school parking lot and slammed on the brakes. He pounded on the steering wheel and looked like he wanted to tear something, or someone, apart.

Billy got out and stood off to the side, just waiting. He was too tired for this shit.

After a minute, Zeke turned off the car and got out. Slamming the door closed he turned and followed Billy, muttering curses.

Back in the room, Billy locked the door and lifted the floorboards in the closet to reveal one of his favorite hiding places. He pulled out a bottle of vodka and replaced the floorboards.

Without a word he filled two small glasses and handed one to Zeke. They emptied and refilled them before either one felt calm enough to speak.

"Look, you don't have to believe me, Zeke. But Casey and I are just friends." He looked down at the marks on his wrists. "We understand each other."

"Yeah, yeah. Ok. It's just..." Zeke took a swallow of the vodka and grimaced, tilting his head back as it burned a path down to his stomach. "It's not fair."

"What's not fair? That you keep messing things up with Casey? Well then do something to fix it." Billy sipped his drink, eyes closed. After a long silence he added, "You know what's really not fair? Stuff that can't be fixed, like Casey having crappy parents that didn't notice or didn't care that he was getting beaten up all the time. Like Joey being set free and then getting himself shot. That's what's not fair."

"What was Joey like?" Zeke moved his chair closer to Billy's and leaned forward, elbows braced on knees as he waited.

"Joey..." Billy swallowed hard and set his almost empty glass aside. He didn't trust his hands not to shake and drop it. "Joey was just... beautiful. Tall, thin, dark-haired and smart. He had a temper, but he also had a wicked sense of humor. And he could draw. Could have been an artist, but he didn't really have the patience. He was up for anything, anytime. I wouldn't have lasted a week here without him."

Zeke refilled Billy's glass and held it out to him, waiting patiently as Billy took it and drank.

"Joey made this place tolerable. We pulled some outrageous stunts together, good stuff, not mean. Joey didn't have to know the whole story before he went along. He trusted people; he trusted me. I'd never really had that before." Billy looked into his glass, as if searching for answers. "My parents are ok. They're not together anymore and they just didn't know what to do with me. They tried, really tried, but I just never seemed to fit in. Once I met Joey, fitting in didn't matter so much. He helped me make friends here. Something else I'd never had before."

Billy looked out the windows at the rainy afternoon and frowned. Why couldn't it be night already, when he could crawl into his lonely bed and pretend to sleep?

Zeke was wandering now, idly opening desk drawers and looking at Casey's belongings. He found the photo of himself and stared at it for a long time, a haunted expression on his face.

"So how'd you know the school needed money for a darkroom?" Billy asked, mostly to lighten the mood.

Zeke shrugged. "Called Case a few days ago on his birthday. It was the first time I'd talked to him since he came here. But I'd been here before, at the school. Came with Miss Burke back in January. Even saw Casey walking to class but he didn't know I was here."

Zeke gestured impatiently when Billy started to ask a question, then continued when Billy nodded. "I called the dean the next day and found out that your parents had already donated money for a darkroom and he just needed enough for a few more pieces of equipment and some supplies. I have earnings from some, ah... business ventures, so I sent the dean what was needed along with the suggestion that he might find a job for Casey. Thought it would give Case a way to fit in."

"That was good," Billy said enthusiastically. "You know his parents barely remember to send him anything, and when they do it's not even enough to buy toothpaste and shampoo. I know they aren't rich but you'd think they could do better than that."

"You haven't met them." Zeke said, his eyes darkening, and his fingers curling around the photo he still held. He returned it to the desk carefully while he talked. "Casey and I weren't really friends until a few months ago, but we knew each other - it's a small town. Casey was always getting kicked or tripped or slammed into something, usually by the football players. The kid always had cuts and bruises, sometimes he could barely walk. His parents, the teachers, they all ignored it. And the students, including me, never did anything to stop it."

Zeke shook his head, then downed the rest of the liquid in his glass. "His father's this perfectly normal guy, except with Casey. Case told me that he skipped second grade because his father demanded it. Casey was smart enough, but he was smaller and younger than all his classmates and some of them learned to use that against him. His father was always yelling at him and pushing him around so Casey didn't know that what the other kids did to him was wrong; he never learned to fight back. By the time he understood, it was too late."

"I thought Casey said that his father didn't touch him."

"He doesn't. After the alien was destroyed...Casey stayed over that night and we spent a lot of time talking. He asked all these questions about my parents, like it was so fascinating that they travel all the time and that I never see them, and that I was raised by nannies and maids and whoever else they could hire to take care of the kid while they did important things, til I got old enough that I didn't need a nanny, and then they just left me alone."

Zeke set the empty glass aside and stood, pacing again. "Anyway, Case told me that it sounded just like his house, only difference was that his parents didn't bother to leave. They just pretended he wasn't there, unless there was something they wanted to yell at him for. He said that his father barely spoke to him because he wasn't a star football player. And his mother... she just goes along with the father. You know they didn't even remember his birthday this year?"

Billy shook his head sadly, this was getting to be too much and he just needed to stop and do something else for a while. Like eat. He grabbed the box of pizza left over from the previous day and offered Zeke a slice. It didn't look all that appetizing, but they ate it anyway.

Much later, the pizza was gone, the sky was darkening and they were working on the last of the vodka. Casey's artsy weird photos were spread out across the bed and they were seated next to each other, picking out the ones they liked and giving them names.

"Hey, how about 'Grass is scary'?" Billy suggested, pointing out that photo of grass at improbable angles.

Zeke snickered. "Grass isn't scary. If it's the right kind of grass, it's not scary at all." He grinned.

"Hate to disappoint, Zeke, but smoking anything in here would be a really bad idea." He gestured with his glass. "Not that they'll be serving this in the cafeteria any time soon." He took another sip, then giggled and tilted sideways, his head landing on Zeke's shoulder.

Without thinking, Zeke put an arm around Billy's back. Billy stayed there, sipping until his glass was empty, then humming tunelessly.

Zeke worked on emptying his own glass, absently running his hand up and down Billy's back until his brain realized what he was feeling.

"What's that?" He asked, using his fingers to define the length of the slight ridges that angled across Billy's back.

"S'nothing." Billy said, trying to move away. Zeke caught him and wrestled Billy, managing to slide his shirt up his back, exposing scars. They were faint, but still easily visible.

"Don't, don't, come ah..." Billy's protests turned into a moan as Zeke leaned down and breathed against one of the scars. Liking the response, he exhaled warm breath down the length of the scar, then moved to the next one.

Billy shivered and slid down, making himself more comfortable. Zeke paused a moment, then quickly downed the last swallow from his glass. Setting it aside, he gathered up Casey's photos and stashed them in the desk.

Billy sat up, uncertainly watching as Zeke stood and stripped off his jeans and t-shirt, then Billy made a decision and stripped down to his boxers also. He rearranged the bedding, barely remembering that this was Casey's bed. He lifted the blanket and waited for Zeke to rejoin him.

Turning onto his stomach Billy shivered as Zeke's body pressed against his side, that warm hand returned, tracing the faint pattern on his back. He closed his eyes, just letting the sensations flood his brain, remembering the feel of Joey's hands.

"You going to tell me about these?" Zeke asked at last, his lips close enough to brush against Billy's ear and make him shiver.

His brain fully intended to refuse, but his mouth was already moving, forming an answer. "Cali, the terrorist. It was my punishment for being late for a head count."

"Must have hurt," Zeke said sympathetically, leaning down to press a soft kiss against the deepest scar. He stroked Billy's back for a long time, until Billy was almost asleep.

It felt so good, it didn't even matter that his brain couldn't rationalize it. Billy just accepted the contact, letting it soothe the deep ache he didn't even realize he had. He missed Joey so much.

Surrendering completely, Billy drifted off to sleep.

Zeke smiled at the sounds of Billy's soft snores, his hands still moving softly over the other boy's back. The skin was darker, the body broader, but if he closed his eyes he could pretend, if only for a few minutes, that this was Casey. That he was offering the care and tenderness that Casey needed and deserved.

That he was needed.

When he could no longer keep his eyes open, Zeke settled down on the pillow, his arm resting softly across Billy's back. There was a smile on his face and he was comfortable and warm.

No nightmares disturbed their peaceful slumber.

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