Broken Toys

Chapter 38

"You've got to be kidding."

Billy leaned back, hands behind his head, and grinned up at Casey and Zeke. "It's perfect."

Casey and Zeke exchanged disbelieving looks.

"He can't be serious," Casey insisted, a note of pleading in his voice.

"'Fraid so, Case." Zeke shrugged helplessly.

Casey looked down at the chair, no, the thing that Billy was sitting on and shuddered. "It's very... plaid."

"Lots of orange," Zeke added, the hint of a grin finally escaping. Casey's expression was priceless.

The smaller boy looked around frantically. "Look, there's a brown recliner, Billy. That's nice."

"Already tried it. It's too squishy."

"The blue one?"

"The fabric is scratchy."

Casey pointed to the last recliner in the group. It was a gaudy floral print but even that wasn't as bad as the monstrosity Billy had chosen. "That one?"

"Lumpy. Besides," Billy said with a smile, "my uncle has a chair just like this. It's great."

Casey looked to Zeke again, knowing he'd already lost the battle, but hoping for a last minute reprieve. Zeke just shook his head and shrugged.

Casey groaned and turned away. "I'm gonna go look at... something... over there..."

Billy stood up reluctantly. "So, what do you really think?"

"Doesn't matter, Billy. It's your chair. You want it, you buy it."

"Stay here, will you? I'll go find the sales person." Zeke watched as Billy headed off happily. Across the room Casey was conspicuously not looking at the chair. As soon as Billy returned with the sales person, Zeke headed over to Casey.

"Find anything?"

"Not really. Not sure what we're going to need other than a new bed. I mostly wanted to see what kinds of things they had here. Thrift shops are fun, there's always different stuff."

"I'd never been in one before, but this place is interesting."

"There's lots of furniture here, which is good if we decide we need more stuff later." Casey turned away from the shelves of paperbacks and smiled up at Zeke. "Don't think we'll find Billy a dishwasher, though."

"S'ok. He's got his prize for today."

Casey glanced over at the chair and winced as the sales person put a sold sign on it. Billy trotted towards them grinning.

"They'll hold the chair til I can get Ric's truck, then I can take it right to the house." He looked around eagerly. "I'm gonna go check out the rest of this place."

Casey and Zeke watched him go, then exchanged uneasy looks.

*****

"You ok?" Billy asked as Casey declined the invitation to order Chinese take out with Snuffy, Hank, Yogurt and Ric.

"Yeah, just not hungry. Besides, I want to work ahead on some homework so I won't have to do it over the weekend."

"Well, come over if you need a break. Snuffy's been reading the tabloids again so it'll be interesting."

"Okay, thanks Billy." Casey watched until the door closed and then he set aside his textbook and laid back on the bed. Zeke had gone out and it was quiet in the room.

It was a cloudy day and Casey stared out the window for a while, just letting his mind wander. Muffled laughter from across the hall startled him.

With a sigh he gathered his camera and headed off to take some pictures. He needed to get out for a while and just be alone. He still wasn't used to spending so much of his time with other people and sometimes he longed for solitude.

It was a bit chilly and he half-considered going back for a jacket, but the thought of possibly hearing or seeing the group decided it. He set off for the trees, looking around for interesting shapes and shadows.

He rested against the trunk of a large tree, wishing he could climb it, ascending into a private world where only light, texture and shape mattered and there was no emotion demanding to be dealt with.

It was Hank, he finally admitted to himself. Hank's words at the house on Saturday night only confirmed what Casey had suspected for a while; Hank didn't like him. Casey thought it was jealousy at first, but had dismissed that right away; Hank was straight. But... he sighed and reconsidered, you could be jealous over friends as easily as lovers. Maybe Hank thought Casey was trying to take Billy away.

If it didn't hurt, Casey might find it funny - imagine anyone being jealous of him.

The sky was darkening but Casey barely noticed as he reviewed the events of Saturday night. Hank had barely spoken to him since then and although he'd offered an apology, Casey could see in his eyes that it wasn't really sincere.

It started to rain and Casey shivered, putting other thoughts aside as he considered whether to head back to the dorm now or wait and see if the rain stopped. A few minutes later the steady rain changed to a downpour.

With a sigh, Casey slipped off his cotton overshirt and wrapped it around his camera. He crossed the grounds as fast as he could on his cast, sweating with the exertion. By the time he reached the dorm he was soaked through but he couldn't bring himself to go back to the room. Instead, he headed off to the darkroom.

He was dry by the time he returned to the room, but his head was stuffy and he was tired. He prepared for bed with a minimum of conversation and fell asleep almost immediately.

*****

Zeke woke with a start, peering into the middle of the night gloom and letting himself drift back towards sleep. He was almost there when he finally realized what was wrong.

Turning his head, he could see Billy's profile where the boy lay nearby. His mouth was open slightly and his hair was rumpled and spiky. They'd moved together in the night, closing the space that had been filled by Casey when they'd gone to bed.

A muffled sneeze and a sniffle drew Zeke's attention and he sat up, looking towards the corner of the room by the closet. He could just make out the form of a huddled figure.

Sliding out of bed, Zeke crossed the room carefully, trying not to step on anything. They really ought to straighten this place up a little, the piles of dirty laundry were getting out of hand.

He could feel Casey watching him and smiled. He reached out to him, sliding one hand along Casey's arm upwards then skating over fabric until he was caressing Casey's face.

"Can't sleep?"

Casey shook his head, then sneezed again.

Zeke frowned and placed the back of his hand against Casey's forehead. "You're hot."

Casey laughed softly. "You're not so bad yourself."

"Ha, ha, Case. I think you've got a fever. How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok, just stuffed up. Got caught in the rain last night."

"Well come back to bed and get warm before you get worse."

"No, I'd better stay here. Don't want to contaminate everybody."

"We'll take our chances. Come on. You can sleep on the outside so you don't breathe on anybody." He pulled Casey gently to his feet and guided him to the bed. Zeke lay down on his side and pulled Casey down to rest in his arms. They spooned together until they finally fell asleep.

*****

"I'm going," Casey insisted stubbornly, crossing his arms and looking like a petulant five-year-old. Zeke just sighed and turned away.

"Fine. Don't complain to me when you feel even worse later."

"I've got a test, Zeke. I can't miss it," Casey tried to explain, wanting them to understand that he wasn't just being stubborn. He didn't want anyone thinking he was weak or would give in just because he didn't feel well. "I'll come back and take a nap right after class," he offered.

"So I shouldn't plan on teaching myself to play drums or anything this afternoon?" Zeke teased, moving closer and leaning down to nip at Casey's ear.

"Maybe after Carson. Don't forget it's headshrink day."

"Oh, boy," Zeke said sarcastically, gathering up his books. "Tests, a speech and Carson all jam packed into one day. Do we know how to have fun or what?"

"I'd go with 'or what'," Casey stated, trailing Zeke out of the room. Hank was already in the hall but he brushed past Casey and Zeke without acknowledging them.

"Morning to you, too, Hank," Zeke called after him sweetly, giving Casey a smile. Casey sneezed.

*****

Dr. Carson leaned back in her chair and tried not to sigh. Casey was sitting across the room, having chosen the chair farthest from her instead of his usual place. Whether intentional or not, it let the doctor know that he hadn't forgiven her for their last group session.

She tapped her pencil against a fingernail and studied Casey openly, not pretending to be doing anything else. He shifted uncomfortably and fumbled for a tissue before blowing his nose and sniffling.

"That's some cold," she said sympathetically when he threw the tissue away and finally looked up. He didn't answer so she let the silence stretch between them for a while, trying to decide if it was the cold that had Casey looking so unhappy of if there was something else...

"Can I go?" Casey finally asked. There was a hint of pleading in his voice that gave him away. There was something other than the cold and the last session bothering him.

"You've only been here seven minutes, Casey. Why are you in a hurry?"

"I... I don't feel well," he offered clumsily, sniffling as if to prove his statement.

"You should have some soup for supper tonight."

"I don't like soup."

"Not even Wonton?"

"Well, that's not too bad, once in a while."

"Bet you don't like the soup at school."

"No, it's terrible. Especially the chicken noodle. Didn't think you could mess that up."

"It's easy to mess things up, Casey. Even easy things." Dr Carson watched carefully as she continued talking. "Especially when friends are involved." Casey flinched and she knew her guess had been correct. "There something happening at school you want to talk about?"

Casey started to shake his head, then thought better of it. His hands were clutching at each other in his lap and she could telleven from all the way across the room that if he had any fingernails, they'd be digging painfully into his skin.

"It's one of Billy's friends," Casey admitted slowly. Every word hurt, but he knew he'd feel better once he admitted what had been bothering him. "He's ok but he doesn't like me. I should be used to that," he hunched down in his seat. "Right? I mean, lots of people don't like me. Called me names, used to beat me up. I shouldn't let it bother me."

"Why wouldn't it bother you, Casey? No one wants to be disliked."

"But it shouldn't matter, right? What other people think; only matters what I think about myself." He looked at her and there was bitterness in every line of his face. "Isn't that what you people want all us poor pathetic losers to believe?"

Dr. Carson stood up, crossing the floor quickly, but not aggressively. She sat in the chair next to Casey and reached out to touch his arm. He flinched away from her and she calmly withdrew her hand, keeping her expression mild.

"Casey, you've got to stop watching television. I'm not here to spout platitudes at you; this isn't sound bite psychotherapy. Of course what other people think of us is important. The trick is to trust yourself enough to do what is best for you in spite of what other people think." Carson smiled and leaned back. "Last session when I confronted you, Casey. You, Billy and Zeke stood together. You all believed that reassuring each other was more important than what I might think of your actions. That's what I'm talking about. Understand?"

Casey nodded slowly, some of the tension easing out of his face.

"So here's a suggestion," Carson offered, leaning over and snagging the candy dish from a side table and putting it down closer to Casey. "Try to talk to whoever it is. Just the two of you. No big speeches or anything, just let him know that you've got at least one thing in common, and you don't have to fight over it. Then leave it up to him to decide what to do. Okay?"

Casey nodded, then turned his head away and blew his nose. He mumbled an apology.

"You look kind of wiped out, Casey. Why don't you go lie down in the waiting room while I pick on Billy for a while."

Casey nodded and stood up. He was about to leave when the doctor stopped him. "Aren't you forgetting something?" she asked, holding out the candy dish. "Take some for Billy and Zeke too," she suggested with a grin, "they're too shy to take any for themselves."

Casey picked out several candies, smiling his thanks. He managed to get to the waiting room before sneezing again.

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