Broken Toys

Chapter 19

Casey was awake when Zeke returned to the bedroom, his blue eyes dark, and his face tight with concern.

"How is he?"

"Okay, I think. He's downstairs watching TV. I think he needs some time to himself." Zeke slid under the covers and drew Casey close. There was a moment of hesitation and then Casey relaxed against him. "How are you, Case?"

Casey shrugged. "Okay."

"How much did you hear last night?" Zeke placed a finger under Casey's chin and tilted his head up so he could look into his eyes. "You heard everything, didn't you?"

"I wasn't asleep," Casey admitted, looking ashamed. "I didn't want to say anything; I thought Billy might get upset."

"Maybe you should tell him that you know. He was worried about you."

"Me? Why?"

"Billy would never intentionally hurt you, Case."

"I know, I..." Zeke could see Casey struggling against so many years of being hurt, of having no one to trust. "I know," he whispered at last.

Zeke closed his eyes. He felt weary to the very center of his being. He couldn't do this; he was a loner. He knew how to take care of himself, not how to care for such wounded souls. They were so fragile and he was so clumsy and foolish.

Casey pulled away and Zeke felt it like a condemnation. Proof that he wasn't good enough. His throat tightened painfully.

The heat surprised him and he opened his eyes. Casey was there, so close, just a few painful inches apart. Before Zeke could reach for him, Casey closed the distance.

The kiss was sweet, hot and deep, neither asking nor demanding. It soothed Zeke, made him weak with relief.

They didn't speak; words weren't enough right now. Instead they used their whole being to bring each other pleasure. It wasn't desperate or fearful but it was fragile and they were both very aware of that, taking extra care.

The bottle that Casey had offered to Zeke just a day ago sat on the nightstand. Casey reached for it now, his eyes asking permission.

"Case..." Zeke whispered, his needy voice breaking the silence at last. No one had ever asked him for this, and it surprised him how much he wanted it now with Casey.

"Is this all right?" Casey whispered back. "I don't want to hurt you." He was completely vulnerable, risking the pain of rejection to offer love.

"Oh, Case." Zeke pulled the boy close, holding him tight, just breathing him in, memorizing him. Slowly he loosened his hold, shifting them both on their sides so they could prepare each other.

"I want us to be able to see each other," Casey insisted, easing Zeke onto his back and giving him a kiss. He arranged pillows to make Zeke more comfortable.

"Are you ready?" Casey asked nervously. Zeke had done his best to be gentle with Casey both times they'd done this, and the pain had quickly faded. Casey was afraid he would do something wrong and hurt Zeke.

"Guide me," Casey pleaded. He was careful to keep his eyes open as they came together. His reward was Zeke's unguarded expression of love, an expression that matched Casey's own.

They never heard Billy walking up the stairs, didn't notice him standing in the doorway. Weren't aware that he watched them for a moment, smiling wistfully, then left, not wanting to intrude.

He went downstairs and made himself some hot chocolate and curled up on the sofa, looking out at the water and the snow, letting his mind drift.

Images of Cali kept intruding but they didn't terrify him quite as much now. He'd managed to avoid thinking about what had happened for a long time, using his grief over Joey's death as a shield to protect him. But that shield had served to isolate him as well, and the good memories had been bottled up with the bad. Now that they were both out, the good memories of Joey helped to soften the sting of the bad memories of Cali.

Poor Casey. Billy felt terrible for what had happened last night. He'd have to talk to Casey later, try and explain, certainly offer an apology.

A muffled cry - he thought it was Zeke - sounded and Billy smiled again. There was a little twinge of envy, of course, but mostly he felt happy for his friends. He knew he was still part of the circle, but this moment had to be theirs alone.

Setting aside the empty mug, he lay back on the sofa and closed his eyes, listening to his friends make love.

*****

Casey collapsed, spent, on Zeke's chest. He lay there for a long minute just feeling, before lifting his head to look closely at his lover.

"You ok?" he whispered.

Zeke didn't answer right away, he just smiled and wrapped his arms around Casey. Finally he replied, "More than ok, Case."

"Yeah?" There was shyness and a tiny bit of pride in that voice.

"Yeah." Zeke assured, giving him a kiss. With a contented sigh Zeke lay back on the soft pillows and savored the lingering pleasure. Casey snuggled closer and fell asleep.

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