Written for B/J Improv: #2 -- porn, cheese,
Saturday, funny
Pizza in Purgatory
"If I ever paint a picture of hell, it will look just like this," Justin
decided, looking around at the garishly painted walls, the wildly flashing
lights, and the hordes of running, shrieking children.
With a resigned sigh he turned his attention back to the tepid triangle of
cardboard pizza and the barely carbonated, watery cola in front of him. Before
he had time to work up the courage to taste either, the woman on his right
squealed and grabbed his arm. Again.
Sighing, he moved his arm out of her grasp and reached for his soda, stopping
just short when he sensed another squeal building. Justin
risked moving a half-inch closer to the large man on his left who was eating
with both elbows planted on the table. The man made a sound in the back of
his throat and Justin wasn't sure if he was gagging on the food or issuing
a warning. He took it as a warning and moved back towards the squealer, who
immediately grabbed his arm again. There'd be bruises, he was
sure.
"Did you see?" Squealer demanded, shaking Justin's arm. "He won."
Indeed, the dexterous young man swaggered over, plowing his way through the
unruly hordes to unceremoniously thump the stuffed monstrosity down in front
of his mother, narrowly missing his own abandoned dinner. He was rewarded
with a hug and a handful of tokens and was off again in search of more tests
of his skill.
Justin looked up at the clock, down at the cheese covered lump on his plate,
and then cast a longing look at the door.
"So where's your little one?" Squealer demanded, leaning well into Justin's
personal space and batting her eyelashes. She had moved closer so that now
she was pressed against him in several places and her perfume was making
his allergies act up.
"Over there," Justin waved in the general direction of the ball pit where
Gus had been happily playing for the last twenty-two minutes with his new
very bestest friends. "Scuse me," Justin mumbled and blew his nose. So much
for eating now; he'd be happy to get out of here while he could still
breathe.
How had he ever let Lindsay talk him into this? Saturday afternoon at Cheesy
Charlie's Pizzarama was noisier and more crowded than
on porn star look-alike night. And if that pervert in the rat costume came
near him one more time he was not going to be responsible for
what happened.
"Oooo, your little guy is soooo cute," Squealer grabbed his hand this time
and leaned her head on his shoulder. "So," she breathed up into
his face, "are you and his mom, like, together?"
Maybe that guy in the rat costume pinching his ass wasn't so bad after
all.
"Um, yeah, she's around."
"But you're not, you know, together." She leered up at him, a lecherous grin
on her face. The fingers were now like talons, digging into his
arm.
"I, um, I'm with someone else." Justin managed a very fake smile. "Thanks
for asking, though." He struggled to stand, wedged between the man who was
still eating, the Squealer, who was probably drawing blood with her grip,
and the half-wall at his back. "I need to get Gus home now. Excuse me." If
she didn't let him out of the booth soon he was going to jump the wall and
make a run for it.
"You're not leaving already?" Squealer moaned. Just then, furry paws
reached for him over the wall. It took everything Justin had not to
launch into a full blown panic.
He was standing on the bench seat now, with the man beside him still ignoring
him, and the Squealer standing up to get a better grip. Amidst the general
chaos, no one else in the place seemed to notice or care about the little
drama playing out next to the Whack-A-Mole game.
"At least let Charlie give you a hug," the rat wheedled. He spread
his arms wide, managing to dislodge Squealer, who made a funny little
high-pitched hmpf sound and tried to get the fur-covered elbow out of her
face.
Justin managed a smile. "Sure. Make it a good one, Charlie." Stepping over
the wall, Justin let the giant rat catch him, guiding him until
his feet touched the floor. Justin didn't even flinch when he got pinched
again. "Bye, Charlie."
He slipped away from the demented trio, calling for Gus. As soon as the boy
appeared, Justin lifted him out of the ball pit, had him say goodbye to his
friends and whisked him out of the restaurant into the relative sanity of
traffic in downtown
While Justin navigated Lindsay's car towards her house, Gus chattered on
about his adventures in the ball pit. He wasn't happy to have been
taken away so suddenly, but Justin's promise of ice cream soothed things
over. Soon Gus was happy again and chattering away while Justin was counting
the miles and minutes until he was in the loft, in bed, preferably with the
phone off and the duvet over his head.
*********************************************
"Top marks, Sunshine. I'm impressed." Brian leaned in closer towards
the canvas and frowned at the white form with the red claws. "That
one looks positively evil!" He looked at Justin with one eyebrow cocked,
"I'm not sure I understand the title, though."
Justin smiled and stepped towards the colorful abstract painting. It was
full of bright colors, but the three central figures were indistinct, menacing
white, gray and brown forms surrounded by a swirl of multi-colored spheres.
Corners and hard surfaces were draped with Dali-esque yellow-orange pizza
triangles.
Justin ran a finger across the title plate set in the frame, "Pizza in
Purgatory." He smiled brightly at Brian. "An artist finds inspiration in
many things." Wrapping his arms around his lover he added, "Wanna inspire
me?"
The End