No Regrets

Minato tells himself things.

He tells himself not to react in anger every time something pisses him off.

He tells himself not to assume every other man wants to sleep with Yuuji. (Even though they do!)

He tells himself nightmares aren't real - even when they're his own.

Sometimes Minato tells himself that he's full of shit.

Like tonight, when there's no starlight and he feels like he's the only one for a million miles even though Yuuji's right there. Minato could reach out and touch him, but he doesn't.

He draws his knees up and crosses his arms over them, lowering his head until he's pulled into the smallest space possible, his vulnerable humanoid chest protected.

He doesn't close his eyes - not that he's afraid to, of course. He hasn't been afraid of his dreams in years. And anyway, most of the images that disturb his sleep aren't dreams - they're memories.

And there's nothing to fear from memories.

Right?

Yuuji shifts in his sleep and makes that funny little sound that could almost be a whimper. Minato reaches out to soothe him, but stops and pulls back his hand.

Minato doesn't put a name to his action - what would be the point? But the memory that woke him is still burned into his senses and it needs time to recede.

Yuuji tells Minato that a good memory is a positive thing. Minato would disagree, but Yuuji would want a reason and Minato doesn't feel like giving him one.

So he sits, silent in the dark and wills away the images... the sensations... the satisfying feel of flesh yielding to force... the vision of Yuuji's pale skin darkening under his hands... the thrill of claiming... of dominance... of seeing fear in Yuuji's eyes...

Minato doesn't believe in regret. He does what is necessary and lives with the consequences.

He did what he had to when he first met Yuuji. He has no reason to question his actions, not even when they left Yuuji bruised and bleeding. He believed it was for the good of his people, and Minato would do it again if he had to, without regret or hesitation.

Even if he relived it every night for the rest of his life.

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