Compromise

He lay there, pretending to sleep for at least 20 minutes, unsure how to face her in the cold morning light. What had happened last night, what was now between them; could they really pretend that it had never happened? Did he want to? Did she?

He could feel her beside him, her porcelain skin blazing supernova hot where it pressed against his. She was peaceful now, so different from the wildcat she had been the night before. Their lovemaking had been frenzied, too desperate to really be satisfying, but it was what they both needed.

*At least I hope it was,* he amended. He wanted to take her in his arms right now, to hold her and care for her. She was far too precious to be alone. If only she could see that. If only she would let someone love her the way she deserved to be loved. He would offer himself if he thought she might accept. Unfortunately, he knew better.

*Damn it!* The last thing he wanted to be doing right now was thinking of *him*. Not that puzzling out his feelings about this whole situation was any easier. Clenching his fists, he tried to think clearly about this whole mess. *Okay, think about this logically. *

*Did he love her? Well... yes.*

*Did she love him? Yes.* He paused, then admitted, *but not that way. It was probably affection more than love.*

*Did he regret what had happened between them? No.*

*Did she? I hope not.*

"No, she does not," she whispered, her body turning towards his.

"What?" he demanded, startled. All hope of being cool and rational fled.

"I said I don't regret what happened last night." She propped herself up on one elbow and smiled down at him. "And you really should learn not to talk to yourself." She kissed the tip of his nose. "At least not out loud."

"How long have you been lying there pretending to sleep?" he demanded.

"About ten minutes longer than you," she replied. "And I asked myself all the same questions." She grinned impishly. "Of course I didn't ask them out loud."

That sounded a lot like a challenge to him. One that he was not about to let go unanswered. Reaching up he gathered her in his arms and pulled her down, planning to wrestle her. She surprised him by kissing him on the lips, then moving downward out of his grasp. He let her go, leaning his head back and moaning. What that woman could do with her mouth.

Even Deanna wasn't this sensual.

Their lovemaking this time was slow and gentle, so different from the night before. Different even than the time he hosted Odan. This time it was just the two of them, with no hurt and no symbiants between them. It was glorious.

When they woke again it was late, leaving just enough time for Beverly to shower and dress before her breakfast date with Jean-Luc. The irony of that didn't escape either of them. She gave him an apologetic kiss, then hurried out of the room, leaving him to fend for himself or return to his quarters and prepare for the day. He sat in her quarters for a long time before heading to his quarters to change into his duty uniform. He had the feeling it was going to be a long day.

*****

She occupied his thoughts all day, causing Deanna to eye him curiously more than once as he shifted and fidgeted in his chair. Thankfully the captain had retreated to his ready room to prepare for their next mission. If he had had to sit next to Jean-Luc Picard while thinking those thoughts about Beverly... well, it would not have been pretty.

He felt Deanna's mind touch his and quickly started thinking about math. It was one of her least favorite subjects and usually served to block their connection. Unfortunately even that didn't work today. She stood, motioning him towards the conference room.

"Mr Data, you have the bridge. Commander." She motioned him ahead of her and followed closely as he dragged his feet up the ramp and into the lounge. Once there, he walked straight to the window, not trusting himself to meet her amused gaze.

"Will, turn around," she insisted, then added lightly, "Unlike some of your women, I don't bite."

"Very funny, Imzadi. Ha ha." He remained facing the stars, watching her reflection in the transparent aluminum. She walked up behind him and placed her arms around his waist.

*Really, Imzadi, after all this time you still think you can hide your feelings from me? You've done nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.* They rarely communicated this way, because Will found it difficult but today the presence of her in his mind was a comfort. He slowly turned to look at her, taking her in his arms.

"I know that Imzadi, but ..." he trailed off helplessly, unable to vocalize the storm of emotions he felt. Frustrated, he finished with, "I just don't know what to do."

"Does Beverly?" It was no surprise that she knew who his lover was but it still startled him to hear her say it. He shook his head slowly.

"I don't know."

"Then ask her." Deanna stepped back and looked into his eyes. Such lovely eyes. "It doesn't matter what the captain, or I or anyone else thinks about what has happened. The only two people whose opinions matter are yours and hers. Don't forget that. You must decide what you want from this relationship and then you must tell her."

"But…" Will started to argue and she stopped him.

"Beverly must do the same, Will. Without you or I or especially the captain influencing her. Understand?"

He nodded once, his eyes reflecting his fear.

"If you are honest with her, Will, you will not hurt her."

Will gathered Deanna into a fierce embrace and desperately hoped she was right.

*****

He arrived in her cabin at 1700 hours carrying a bottle of sherry. He had carefully chosen something that was not Picard vineyards. She noticed immediately and rewarded him with a smile.

"Don't open it yet, Bev." He stopped her as she reached into a drawer for a corkscrew. She turned to look a question at him, and he caught her hands, drawing her close. "We need to talk - without any outside influence."

"You talked to Deanna," she told him knowingly.

He nodded, "Yes. But this isn't about her. Or the captain." At that, Beverly's gaze slid away from his. He brought it back by gently caressing her cheek. "Please don't look away, Beverly. This is important." He took a deep breath and whispered "So very important." Her brilliant indigo eyes met his again.

"I know that Will. I've been thinking about... last night." She gave a small laugh. "I could think about little else today. I'm sure I didn't get any work done." She took his hand into hers running her thumb over his palm. "We need to make a decision."

"About us," he agreed.

"Yes. And about what happens next."

"What do you want to happen next?"

She held his gaze. "I don't know."

"What would happen if you weren't in love with the captain?" he asked softly, his gentle tone softening the question. Mesmerized, she kept her gaze locked with his.

"I would ask you to stay the night."

His heartbeat quickened but he tried to keep calm. He knew it wasn't that simple. For some reason it never was. "But..." he prompted. Her gaze fell away.

"I do love him, Will."

"Then why aren't you with him?"

She shook her head sadly. "I don't know. He's so demanding, Will. He expects perfection from himself. How could he ever love me when I represent what he considers a flaw?" She sighed, turning away. "If he did love me, could I stand knowing that I was his weakness? She looked back at him, tears glistening in her eyes. "I don't want to be anyone's Achilles' Heel, Will. Especially not his."

"He would never think of you that way, Beverly." Will stroked her hair. "Never."

"You're wrong, Will. "I'm already his weakness because every time he sees me he's reminded of Jack. I buried my husband twenty years ago, Will, and every damned day Jean-Luc digs him up again!"

She was up, pacing back and forth across the day room. Will let her go, knowing she needed to do this. When at last she had calmed again, he went to her, gathering her into his embrace and holding her tight. They stayed that way a long time.

Breaking apart at last, Will cupped her face in his hands. "Make me a promise, Beverly. Promise me that you won't wait your whole life for him. Give him time, as much as you want. But don't give him your life."

Tears glittered in her eyes. "I'll promise, Will. But only if you make me a promise too."

"What?" he asked warily.

"Don't stay in his shadow. You're better than that, Will. You deserve to be happy and you deserve your own command. You can have both, and it doesn't have to be on the Enterprise." She reached up and kissed his cheek. "Stay here as long as you want, but when the time comes to leave, promise me you'll go."

They stood, barely apart regarding each other weighing their ability to keep such promises. Slowly, as one, they move into an embrace. "I promise," they spoke together, making them smile. The embrace changed to kisses which led to the couch and much much later, when the sherry was long gone, it led to the bedroom. There, with only the stars to guide them, they merged.

In the morning they parted, sharing one last sweet kiss; two people who shared the most precious of loving relationships. Dearest friends.

::: the end :::

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