Awake

Merry was nearly to the bedroom door before he realized the pounding was in his head and not a visitor knocking on the door. Unsteadily he turned, wishing that the floor would stay still just long enough for him to get back in bed.

It wasn't until he reached out for the covers that the thing that seemed out of place made itself known.

He wasn't alone.

Ice cold dread stopped him where he stood, stealing his breath away. He stared at the form in the bed, only the top of the brown-haired head visible above the covers. How could he have let this happen again?

Scrambled memories of the previous evening's activities crashed into Merry's brain. He wanted to moan out loud, but the need to remember who his bedmate was and what had happened between them kept him silent.

Taking a step back he braced himself against the nightstand, fighting hard to control the impulse to flee while he sifted through the memory fragments.

He started with something easy - he and Pippin arriving at the inn. He remembered that clearly enough, as well as the fact that the room had been nearly empty and they had enjoyed a leisurely supper.

The place was busier when they were done eating, and there was a blur of faces as Merry remembered some of the arrivals and departures. The ale had tasted particularly good last night and he'd been thirsty and not really concentrating on how much he was drinking. Especially once Violet Boffin and her friends arrived.

Violet had been chasing him since they were tweens and it had taken quite a bit of concentration to evade her wandering hands and not-so veiled innuendos without giving offense.

And then Talfor Black had stormed in. He'd always had an eye for Violet and had tried to pick a fight with Merry more than once because of her.

The difference was that Merry wasn't a soldier before. Talfor might be 20 pounds heavier, but Merry had been trained to fight, and he was stronger and more fit than the corpulant Talfor.

But Merry no longer cared about Talfor's insults. He certainly didn't want to fight about them. He'd had his fill of fighting, and no longer had the stomach for petty squabbles.

He tried to reason with Talfor, but the hobbit had been wandering the inns looking for Violet and was already deep in his cups. The more Merry talked, the madder Talfor got. It didn't help that Violet was hanging onto Merry's arm the whole time.

Bless Pippin and his golden tongue. After deflecting Talfor's wild punch, Pip somehow managed to get the angry hobbit off to the side where he settled him down. After that the innkeeper had his assistant escort the inebriated Talfor home.

By then Violet and her friends had lost interest in Merry and Pippin and had wandered over to a more receptive group. The rest of the inn settled down quickly, aided by Pippin's insistence on buying everyone a round of drinks. The disgruntled few who had started to side with Talfor were mollified and things settled down quickly.

The ale flowed even more freely after the Talfor incident and for the first time in a long while Merry had overindulged.

A sick feeling settled in the pit of his stomach as he remembered the last time that had happened. The shame he'd felt on waking up hungover, with a half-dressed lass in his bed, washed over him afresh.

Filled with self-loathing that morning, he had further humiliated himself by becoming physically ill. He'd stayed in the bathroom so long that by the time he emerged, his companion was gone. To his utter shame, he still couldn't remember who she was or what had happened between them that night.

It had been embarrassing enough the few times Pippin had come home with a lass, especially when Merry had been forced to make polite conversation with her the next morning over breakfast while Pippin slept off the ale. But even Pip had never been so drunk that he couldn't remember who he'd lain with.

Listening to other hobbits bragging about their conquests, having them look on with envy as lasses flirted with him and Pippin made it all the harder. Everyone seemed to have the absurd idea that he and Pip were suddenly different.

It was flattering, he supposed. And he had nothing against a little harmless kissing and fondling - he'd done enough of that before going away. But that wasn't what he wanted now, nor did Pippin, he was sure - not meaningless encounters and half-remembered nights of drunken pleasure.

After that one time Merry promised himself that he would never let it happen again, and despite temptation, he'd kept that vow. Until last night, apparently.

His time outside the Shire had taught him that life was too precious to waste even a moment. He might have forgotten for a while, but he could remedy that. Starting today, he decided, he would not waste another day, or night, like this.

And Pip... well, Merry would just have to make him understand that they couldn't continue on like this.

Straightening, Merry stepped towards the bed, steeling himself for the unpleasantness ahead. He slowly drew back the covers, mouth open to speak, only to stop cold at the sight of his cousin, watching him through half-closed eyes.

"Pip?" he stammered.

"Hullo, Merry. Would you please stop looming and get back in here? You look like Sam when someone's asked him a riddle and I can't sleep with you staring at me."

"What are you doing here?" Merry sputtered, only now realizing that he, like Pippin, had been in bed fully dressed.

"You drank too much, cousin. It was all I could do to get you into bed, and once I was here it seemed perfectly reasonable to stay. It's an awfully long walk to my room and you're heavy, I'll have you know."

Merry laughed, relief flooding though him like good spiced wine. "Move over," he instructed, climbing back into bed and arranging the covers. "It's too early to be up."

"My point exactly," Pip agreed, turning on his side and immediately beginning to snore.

Bless you, Pippin, Merry thought, smiling as he snuggled into the warmth. They would sleep in today, he decided, and after a nice breakfast, they would gather up some provisions and take a leisurely trip to Hobbiton. It had been too long since they'd seen Sam and Frodo and it would be nice to have a visit.

Just before drifting off to sleep, Merry made one last decision: they wouldn't be stopping at any inns.